It’s Pain that Changes our Lives

I already couldn’t count how many injections and lacerations I had. I couldn’t even remember their names and what they are for. But I can still recall the pain that they have given to me.


I had 2 miscarriages before I have 2 kids. First was a 3-month-old fetus wasted. I thought I just had a dysmenorrhea but I wondered, how can I have dysmenorrhea if I’m pregnant. Then, a urinating feeling occurred. But it was blood that came out and filled the toilet bowl. Ouch! I felt my stomach was dismantled the whole night. When I woke up the next morning, a poor fetus fell down from my underwear. I cried. I cried. I cried. The second was a 2-month-old fetus wasted. On my 3rd prenatal checkup, we discovered my baby had no heartbeat anymore. We couldn’t believe it. We felt our dreams for having a family was shattered – again. We were still hoping a miracle that the baby’s heartbeat only stopped at that moment and it will come again. We waited for 1 week. Which means the baby is already one week dead inside my tummy. I already felt dizziness, frequent headaches, etc. I became pale and thin and sickly. After a week, my husband made a decision for me. He sent me to the hospital to get my dead baby out before I get poisoned. At the hospital, I felt death is calling me. I was hungry but was not allowed to eat. Both arms were full of needle marks. At the emergency room, I was blinded by the lights all focused on me, I could hear the clang of medical equipment and I was surrounded by a group of doctors and nurses tending me and doing the DandC operation (is the term correct?). And saw the pail of blood as I was assisted out of the horrible room.

Days before my due date on my first pregnancy, I stainless toilet door slammed on my tummy at our companies comfort room. A workmate accidentally did that to me. And as a result, I was in pain again. My tummy or the baby inside contracted. While waiting outside the company premises to fetch me, my husband got worried. At the moment he knew what happened, we hurried down to the hospital. Even if he got mad at the person who accidentally slammed the door, he didn’t mind it. At the labor room, wires from a CTG machine were connected to my belly. The baby’s heartbeat stopped – and when I heard that news, I was frightened that my previous miscarriage would happen again. I can’t allow that. I was depressed but I prepared myself. But God is good! I successfully gave birth to a 6.2 pound-baby-boy through normal delivery. 😉

After 3 months of giving birth, I underwent a minor incision and drainage operation at my right breast due to mastitis.  An inch slash was at the lower left of my armpit to get the mass out. This happened because my husband’s elbow unintentionally hit it while sleeping so the milk produced were mixed with the blood and pus inside my breast. The affected breast was swollen and a purple appearance was displayed. That was November 2010 and sadly, I had to stop breastfeeding my baby at 3 months old.

Then came January 2011. I started the year with another hospitalization due to abdominal pain and was diagnosed to have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease caused by the paratubal cyst at my right ovary. It was the aftermath of my miscarriages. The cyst was approximately 2cm by 2cm by 2cm in size. If the medication won’t work, they have to get my right ovary out. My family got worried – who would’ve not? I can’t imagine the operation to be done on me. And part of the reason was I don’t want to have only one child. Still, God is worthy to be praised! No more paratubal cyst in the ultrasound result after 4 months. 😉

April 2011, a second incision and drainage at my right breast due to deep abscess. The first IandD operation failed so a tube with the same length of a span from the tip of the thumb to the tip of the middle finger was inserted. Half of it is rooted inside my right breast and half of it outside – for a week to fully drain the abscess formed inside. Another inch of slash right above my nipple. Oh, I can’t wear bikinis anymore – as if I wear one. LOL! 😉

March 2012, I happily gave birth to a baby girl. But prior to that, I had pre-term labor on January. Wires from a CTG machine were connected to my belly again, numerous injections again, and an internal examination again – this time is embarrassing for a male ob-gyne performed it! Gosh! My baby was not yet in full term. She was just going 7 months and my cervix was already 1 cm open. We rushed to the hospital. It was raining. And I thought to myself, if ever my baby will come out today, I would name her Janna Raine. But she didn’t. She waited until her full term. The doctors successfully stopped the contractions. Then I came back to that hospital on March – a sunny season!

Stated above are true and correct. They are based on my experiences. At those times, I felt Dystopia. I felt I’m so dead. But those past hurts made me who I am today. Stronger! Better! Happier!

Live life to the fullest!



In respond to:

Weekly Writing Challenge: Dystopia (The Musical)


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