This is the very first day that I won’t be expecting my husband to come in through the door.
Two weeks before, he called and said that his flight for Riyadh would be on May 6 so he should be leaving for Manila at 3 days ahead of that. I was dumbfounded but then managed to answer, okay. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself and I don’t want him to see me like that because this is planned. We both want him to work abroad for our kids’ future, for our family’s sake. Then, his agency phoned him that the flight was moved on May 11.Guilty to say, but I felt relieved. I’m happy because our days together were extended.
With the kids, we went to places and took pictures and collect them in a photo album. More family bondings happened. He taught me things I should know while he’s away, such as, making online and over the counter payments, transactions, commuting, etc. I am a dependent wife to him. I mean, I am strong when I’m with him. I feel I can do things bravely when he’s around. But now, guess I have to do things alone…for 2 long years. That’s loooooong for me. Everything can possibly happen within those times. It’s long enough for the kids without a father by their side. More especially to my boy, Railey.
My husband won’t be coming home at every 7 in the evening. I won’t be kissing him goodbyes upon leaving for work. There’ll be no one for my kids to wave by the window. My kids won’t be carried by his arms in a long while. I can’t cover up for that because they’re already too heavy for me to cuddle them any longer. I will have no substitute in watching over the kids. No one will wake me up with a kiss when it’s time for me to work online. The family won’t be complete every Sunday masses anymore.
But I don’t feel that the house is empty. My kids’ cries, laughters, screams and giggles still fill the home. They can’t fill in my longing to their father but they are much more than enough for me to be reminded and stay strong.
First day…but I miss him like I haven’t seen him for a long time.
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